Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
