The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
