whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
