Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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