You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize