i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
