before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
