Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
