Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
