I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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