Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
