I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
