she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
