Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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