you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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