nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
