she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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