What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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