she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
