you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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