i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
