Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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