two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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