wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
