dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
