i permit you to call me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
