so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
