When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
