your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The air was thick with penises
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
