Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
