I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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