If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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