haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
