My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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