i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
