Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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