i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
