Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
