It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
