I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
