it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
