I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
