I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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