the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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