just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize