I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
