Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
