When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
