I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
