you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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