I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
