I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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