apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
