sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
