i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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