Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
