I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
