She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize