fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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