I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
