remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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