I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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