there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
false alarm. still invincible.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
