My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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