I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am naked and annoyed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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