I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
A bitchslap is in order.
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