Umm I'm too high to move.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
