This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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